The comfort zone terrifies me, I have lived it and I did not like it and you really shouldn't either. It might seem obvious to say this however it is good to know a mental health problem like anxiety is there because your beautiful, complex - but at the same time a little bit stupid and a little bit simplistic, brain wants to keep you safe. So how this works in general terms is having your favourite things/places/people. If you notice it or not you become a regular at a restaurant/cafe/pub/club in simple terms your brain goes we've had a good time here, I was safe, I survived we can go and do that again. I am aware there is a group of proper weirdos that love new experiences, places, people but that's not who I am talking about just now. I'm talking about the normal folk like me who likes to stay comfy/safe.
When I have had the idea of the comfort zone in my head the past week I think it was because I had had time off work, and time off for me can make me feel a bit edgy. I should mention it was annual leave, I am in perfect health - my doctor said my blood pressure was excellent this week. My brain needs to be kept busy, with human interaction and a little bit of problem solving through the day to keep me happy. I love being busy. Which might sound strange for some people who know me - I think I have two states though - busy or asleep. Not much in the way of in between. When I don't have things scheduled in or plans my wee head starts to do a little bit of work in the background thinking about how to make me safe - and that days off don't happen too regularly. Needless to say my brain felt that sleep was the best option for the second day off. The first day was BUSY.
'So where are you going with all this?', my lovely grey matter is asking me now. And for that I'm not sure. I felt flat today, I ended up getting dragged out the house today by my mum and we spent a beautiful day in Peebles doing what we do best, shopping and supporting local businesses. I came home through Biggar and I picked up a copy of How To Fail by Elizabeth Day in Aktinson Pryce - a lovely bookshop you really should check out if you are in Biggar. I thought this is the book for me today. There was also a lovely book on Dogs Of The National Trust which turned out also to be for me but that is less relevant for this exercise. I checked out her podcast when I got in after the girl who served me in the shop mentioned it, obviously went with the episode featuring Pheobe Waller-Bridge (I am pretty sure we are twins - identical soul twins - or maybe everyone is a bit garbage in their twenties - WHO IS TO SAY?!). When I was listening to my twin Pheobe I thought - I really need to be writing again. When I was a teenager/into my twenties I carried a notebook with me everywhere because I needed to write things down and get things out of my head. I had so many important things to say that I needed to put on paper. I'm 33 now (same age at Pheobe - winky face), and I didn't do that anymore - but what I have noticed over the past month or so I've started again. I grab my phone out of my bag or from my left hand so I can type better and start to form things in my notes. I also bought a notebook the other week so I can put pen to paper which is truly a euphoric feeling that I haven't had in a while.
So I think this is me stepping out my comfort zone for the moment, and I hope by publishing this it'll make me think about some other things that I could be doing but haven't done for a while. Gonna get back to blogging yeah! Does anyone blog anymore?
